Please be Neat and ...

...WIPE THE SEAT!


It's really all that I ask at this point in my life. Wipe the seat. Maybe even flush the toilet. If you're feeling especially kind, perhaps pick your dirty clothes up off the floor.


Why are these things so hard for boys/kids? It blows my mind. If I could stop thinking about the urine on the toilet seat, the back of the toilet seat, the toilet lid, the floor surrounding the toilet...I would. But then, when I am not thinking and accidentally sit on it, my inner ferocious lion comes and I start throwing things. Well, not really...because that would make a mess I would inevitably clean up. Instead I wipe my angry tears...and the toilet seat. So gross. The list goes on, literally. I made one:


Hygiene:
When my kids are at school, I miss them. I pray for them. I cheer them on in all of their endeavors. I think they are the greatest little men...but for goodness sake - could they brush their teeth without me asking 10 x (read SCREAMING)? Could they trim their fingernails and toenails before they collect enough dirt to fill my baby twins' sandbox? Yuck. I almost didn't type that.


Stuff:
Let's talk about their random need to play with random stuff. Like tape. They like it. They tape #$%* together all the time. They randomly decorate our home with tape. They find all kinds of tape...painters tape, electrical tape, duct tape. It's used for everything...and then when it's not, it's balled up and left everywhere - until I once again ask nicely (read SCREAM) for the random tape balls to be picked up and thrown away. You know what's funny about all this? We never have tape when we begin a paint project, or something needs to ACTUALLY be held together. Sigh.


Bedding:
Blankets. Pillows. More blankets. More pillows. Are they on their beds? I'm not even suggesting a made bed...I'm just suggesting they are in the vicinity of the bed. Nope - almost every pillow and blanket in the house is on top of their little smelly bodies on the couch...which happens to be in the center of the house...where they can be seen by me all day long. The center of the house is where I like to keep the order...because they have ROOMS for the clutter. Their very own rooms with their very own cluttery crap.


Bodily functions:
I almost can't go here. But I'm going to. I feed my children well. Why then, are their bodily functions so toxic? The other morning, my oldest passed gas so badly in the car that it hit my gag reflex big time and I stopped my van in front of my house (we just pulled out to school) and darted into the house to throw up! I'm not kidding. That sounds extreme. It's the truth. It was extremely disgusting.  He was incredibly apologetic, but all I could do was take him to school with the windows down while holding a bottle of my favorite essential oil under my nose. I'm wondering if he needs a cleanse...for real...


Ok, ok...this may sound like I'm ready to send them off to the circus. I think they'd fit in well - especially with all the jumping and human trickery and, well, smells...    The truth is they are also so kind. So gentle. So loving. They are so interesting, so interested in life...I see their light bulbs shining bright when they talk about what they learned at school, what their teachers said, what fun things their friends did with them at recess. My boys are disgusting, but they are also amazing. I need to think about that one for a while. Amazing and disgusting or amazingly disgusting? I think it's different each day.


For now, I will continue to be the enforcer of the rules, of the cleaning of their rooms, of the picking up of the pillows and blankets, of the proper use of tape, and I will, for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, continue to make them BE NEAT AND WIPE THE SEAT.